I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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