Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
