so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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