I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
