Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
