I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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