the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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