You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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