meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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