Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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