someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
