she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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