..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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