it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
