I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
