So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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