I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
