maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
