Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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