hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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