Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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