those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize