There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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