It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
