So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
