it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
