I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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