That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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