I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
