I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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