Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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