marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is Oprah even human
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