On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
