the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
