There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have post one night stand depression
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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