My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
