booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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