i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
