If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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