I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
