ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
