Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
