We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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