Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
