you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
