if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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