woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize