dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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