last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
