I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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