At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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