So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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