Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
