Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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