Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
