i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
