my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
