Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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