you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
