either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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