got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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