Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
