One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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