she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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