Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
