My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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