I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
