I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
