do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
