Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
