i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize