If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
